Like a rose

I wish I knew how I smelled.  Writing that makes it look silly and makes me feel like a dweeb, but it's still true.  Ya know, everyone has their own smell.  My friend Angie I could pick out of a line up.  Same with her cousin Brock.  I could find my mom, I could find Zac (especially if his shoes are off hahaha), I could find Baby Ollie and my Aunt Jamie.  I know how they smell.  None of them smell bad, aside from Zac's feet but I forgive him for that because the rest of him smells nice.  They just have their smells. 

 I think I have kind of a weak smell.  I walk into a Subway and I smell like I've rolled in onions.  I even look at a campfire and I'm Smokey the freakin Bear.  Let's put it this way, if my smell were in a wrestling match, it would be tapping out shortly after the whistle.  I try to change it.  I lotion.  I body spray.  But I think even my artificial smell is subtle.  I could be wrong though.  I could have a cartoon-like cloud of stink like Pepe Le Pew.  That's the thing about smell, you're not to sensitive to your own. 

I know I probably smell like my house and everyone's house is distinct.  That scares me a little bit.  I'm afraid I'm a terrible combination of candles, taco meat, and nail polish.  Annie stopped by the other day with Ollie.  First thing she said was "No offence, but it smells like garbage in here."  I was oblivious.  I mean, it is what happens when you put the hamburger wrappers in the trash right after you just put in a new garbage bag.  Don't ya hate when that happens?  You just took out the garbage and now you know you are gonna have to do it the next day too.  I digress.  Like I said, I'm a little paranoid about it.  I just wanna know.  Am I like a vanilla and dove soap smell?  Am I citrus and verbena?  Am I coconut and rum? (Coconut and rum hahaha I've cracked myself up!)  You get the point. 

Super dry

After my shower tonight my skin did something that sucks.  It got super dry.  I lotion it, it helps kinda, but I still feel like my face, my hands, my feet are just dying for a little bit of moisture.  I'm a bit of a freak when it comes to dryness.  I have lotion, lots of it, by my bed, at work, in the car and in my purse.  I never am without chapstick.  I gotta know that I can moisturize at will.  I know that it's my own fault. No one needs to take a shower as hot as I do but I love it!  I also love that just lotioned feel.  I swear I can almost hear my skin sigh in relief it's so great. 

Tonight I was reminded though of a little story about my best friend.  Courtney has a heck of a time with her skin.  She always has.  Until she did Accutane she had years of trial and error and lots of irritation and break outs to contend with.  She used to be on a heck of slew of potions from her dermatologist.  Some of those in the slew made her skin quite dry.  She delt with it.  Now Courtney can get a bit ridiculous, shrieky even when she gets worked up.  And aside from myself and her husband, no one can get Courtney quite as riled as my family.  Courtney came with us for our first big family vacation.  We went to Florida...actually drove together in a giant van.  I distinctly remember an incident in the van during which mom and Courtney were talking about her Cetaphil moisturizer.  Courtney needed it, she was simply drying out.  They went on and on and on about the Cetaphil.  It was never ending.  We all got frustrated with the situation as people are more annoying in small spaces and I told her to deal with it until we stopped and could dig her bag outta the back.  She simply yelled back at me "THERE WILL BE NO END TO THE MADNESS WHILE I AM DRY LIKE THIS!"  Yep.  It happened.  I will never forget it.  I though about it last night and it made me laugh out loud.  Me and my maddening dryness.  God love my best friend!  She's good for a laugh even a decade after the fact.  Now I challenge you, try not to think about her yelling "there will be no end to the madness" the next time you are desperately scrounging for some lotion.     

 

Jumping the gun

Two Saturdays ago I got excited.  It was finally nice outside.  The winter chill had worked its way out of the air and the sun was shining it's heart out.  I even got off work early.  I was pumped.  It was one of those "make a list longer than my arm and be thrilled when I crossed each thing off." days.  I swept. I mopped. I vacuumed.  I cleaned and santized.  I scrub toilets, sinks, and tubs.  I organized my closet.  I swapped out spring pillows and throws.  I drug every single flower pot out of my shed.  Lo and behold in one of my pots there was a little somethin growing.  I was thrilled.  That Little Plant was determined to grow in near pitch black.  That precious Little Plant.  I brought Little Plant up to the porch.  It basked in the sun.  Loved a little rain.  Then the unthinkable happened.  We, lets be honest, this is central Illinois, it's not really unthinkable, it's really just undesirable.  It dropped 40 degrees over the course of 8 hours.  I hauled Little Plant inside.  Zac and I were hanging out the other night and he asked me what Little Plant was.  I told him I though it was chives coming back up since it is growing in my herb pot.  He told me he thought all herbs needed to be re-planted yearly because they lose their flavor/potency if you don't.  I told him I didn't know, but I didn't think that was true because rosemary isn't like that.  Then I told him to break off a couple and see if it still smelled intense.  He did.  Then he broke off another.  Then he told me "honey, this is just grass."  DANG!  I was pumped about the chives.  Duped again by a case of mistaken identity.  And to think, I babied Little Plant cause I was so proud of it.  I'm an idiot.  

    

Day 5 and still alive

Well, I am officially on day 6 of the 30 day shred, but day 5 makes a better rhyme.  I'm still liking it.  Thank goodness it is short and to the point.  I have started to memorize what Jillian says/when she gives encouragment and have now made it a game to say it along with her.  I'm pretty good at it already.  I have 25 work-outs to go, cause I haven't done today's video yet, that's fast math baby!  I love a good check list so much I've got a thirty day count down on a post-it stuck to my laptop.  A constant reminder that I'm gonna do this video every night.  

I don't want to do it.  It's Saturday.  I want to laze around and nap on my couch.  But alas, I'm up, I am gonna make breakfast, then go to work, then clean, and make dinner and shred!  Hope you have a productive (or unproductive) day!

You're too sweet

Somedays some foods gross me out.  Generally it's something slimey.  I don't dig on certain textures.  Like jello, ew. I also am not a big fan of seafood.  I try, but I don't like that it's sweet.  I can do shrimp, but if you are a lobster or a crab, get outta my face.  Oysters, tried it, gagged.  Just looking at this picture of one makes me kinda cringy.  

 Lately though I just can't seem to handle much sweet food.  I already dislike icing, especially the really thick cream cheese kind everyone else seems to love.  In fact I almost always take the paper wrapper off of a cupcake then turn the cupcake upside down in the wrapper and scrape the icing off. Sorry cupcakes,   you are delicious,  I just don't like icing.  It is simply too sweet.  I can only handle about 1/2 a can of regular soda then I hit my threshold.  And diet soda, I might as well snack on sugar cubes.  Yuck. 

 For breakfast today I was overwhelmed by cornflakes.  Who sugar coated that business?  They need to reel it in a bit.  I followed it up by a banana.  I like bananas that are barely yellow.  Once they get ripe enough to be sweet or kinda soft I can't deal with it....or the texture.  They have to become banana bread or face the terrible fate of the garbage can.  I have 3 bananas to eat today, because come tomorrow I won't be able to handle them.  It's ridiculous, I know, but I try not to be wasteful or finicky.  Just turns out today is gonna be a three banana day.  Looks like I'm gonna be drunk off bananas.  It could be worse.  I could be drunk off pancakes and that would ruin my diet big time.  Hope you are enjoying your day.  Eat something sweet for me!

You weigh what?

Zac weighs himself everytime he comes home.  Each time he tells me his weight and I calculate how many pounds of difference there is between the two of us.  Given, he is a man and he will lose weight faster than me, I just can't have him do it too fast.  I am seriously considering sabotage.  Especially since I have been keeping tabs on both of our weight.  I simply cannot weigh more than my husband.  I know things are getting desperate when he said the other day "I'm still losing weight.  I'm down to 222."  To which I shrieked "222 point what?!"  

So I did Day 1 of 30 Day Shred last night....I liked it.  I hated it while I was doing it, but I also appreciated it.  I can't do a full minute of push-ups yet, but I will be able to. I actually liked Jillian being hard core too.  Through the whole video she's all "I've got 400 lb people doing jumping jacks!  There is no modification! You CAN do jumping jacks!"  All I know is that I can't weigh more than my husband.  Hopefully, not even when I'm pregnant.  I just can't do it.  I hate that he is soon gonna weigh less than me so Jillian and I have another hot date tonight.  Bring it on Jillian!

Hahahaha, yes!  That is the cover of the teen classic, Bring It On.  Don't think I won't post more about 30 Day Shred simply in order to use every piece of cover art from the Bring It On series of movies, cause I will.  

Shredded!

Tonight I start a new 30 day project.... Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred!  I'm doing it with my best friend Courtney and my sister Annie.  Courtney agreed then told me she realized that she has oral surgery today...so it may not happen that her 30 days and mine the exact same 30 days, but at least I have some accountability.  

I don't know what to expect exactly.  From what I've read, it's high intensity interval training.  I used to do that in while I was in chiropractic school.  I would meet with a group of guys in the morning 6:45 cause class started at 7:20 and we would do burst training.  20 seconds of effort until you physically couldn't bust out one more push-up etc. followed by 20 seconds of rest, repeat 3 times and break for 2 minutes while you set up for the next exercise.  It works.  It really does.  Don't believe me, do a set of leg exercises then hit the stairs and make sure you are holding onto a rail so you don't bust your face falling down.  I am actually excited to start it.  I could use a little bit of something, especially since Zacman decided he wanted to be thinner and is losing weight considerably faster than me.  Damn him and his fast man-tabolism.  So, pray for me and my gradually softening muscles as we get whipped back into shape.  Prepare for me to be shredded!

(and....should I actually start to LOOK shredded, be prepared for a sickening amount of "look how awesome my body is" picutres.) 

Frustration and debate

I am frustrated. This is what I've been thinking about, almost constantly, for the last couple months.  Turns out, I've been thinking about a lot.  

 Zac and I have been married close to two years.  That entire time he has been working in St. Louis while I work in a little town two hours away from St. Louis.  This little town is only 20 minutes from my hometown, where we live.  I say we, but Zac spends 3-4 nights a week at his friend Lou's.  We are fortunate to have friends kind enough to let Zac basically live with them without asking for a penny, but it's not the newlywed years I was hoping for.   So, the big question....do I keep my job here, stay near my family and the new babies, or move back to St. Louis to be with my husband.  

Zac and I will have our 6 year anniversary this fall.  A family is not terribly far off in our future.  But you don't want to start a family when the Dad is gone half the week.  Zac can't quit his job as he carries the insurance for us.  He has a good job, that he LOVES, with great benefits and he is frequently promoted.  Seriously, 3 different raises in the last 2 years.  He is moving up and as he is earning double what I am, I don't think it's fair for me to ask him to give it up for a job he won't like near as well, that doesn't pay as much (which is all that seems available around here).

This would all be easy to decide if I hated my job or my boss, but I don't.  He is a nice, honest guy.  My patients are very sweet.  I like it here, but not everything about my job is good.  I am an associate doctor, which means I am an employee, I get no decision making power, which drives me nuts as I want to be the boss.  I will eventually (next 2 years or so) be able to buy in or purchase this practice.  But do I want this practice?  The pros, it's a 25 year established practice that has solid collections and billings and I like our office manager very much.  The cons, after 25 years, patients want what they want, when they want it, and it becomes difficult to change/update based on what I want for the practice to be.  But I have a practice already.  I have patients that come to see me.   They like me, and I lose the efforts of my last 2 years if I walk away from it.  

Why not start my own practice you ask?  Because we're poor.  We've dumped every extra penny we've earned into paying off debt and we do a good job of it.  Zac and I don't have the savings for me to hang up my own shingle and start working away.  If I were to start a practice, I'm looking at a minimum of 3-5 years of hard, everyday, unrelenting work to get it up and off the ground.  That means no family for 3-5 years, long hours, little pay, lots of struggle.  

If I move away, I have to start my practice over.  I may not like where I practice, or who I practice with, but Zac will be there.  It will probably be longer before we have kids as I try to get things rolling somewhere else.  But once we have those kiddos, our support system is 2 hours away.  I want to see my nieces and nephews on a regular basis.  I want to be able to build a house on the land my dad gave me.  I want my kids to know their grandparents and have their cousins feel like brothers and sisters.  Hard to do from a distance.  But again, I will actually get to live full-time with my husband and comes before my family.  

My family keeps telling me to have my kids and the other things won't matter near as much anymore.  But I want to be able to provide for my family and have my children be able to have a dad that's home everyday.  I can't really justify being a stay-at-home mom after putting myself $160k in debt to do what I do.  As much as that is appealing, how would I ever get out from under that debt?  How could we ever buy a home, or start college funds?  But then again, maybe those are the "other things."

So this is my big dilemma.  I've got 5 months to figure it out.  Stay here, or find a different job and a new place to live.  Keep on keepin on or start anew.  For now I will sit, contemplate, occassionally cry, and wait for it to become clear. Know that if any of you out there would like to pay off my student loan debt, hire Zac, and help fund the opening of my practice, I'd be thrilled for the help.  

I have a dream...

Well, lots of dreams really.  I am a nightly dreamer.  Lately my dreams have been downright crazy.  Crazy!    Annie told me Aubrie lost her teeth the same night I have a fairly drawn out anxiety dream about losing my teeth.  I had multiple bizarro dreams last night.  Started with a class trip to a lake where I was canoeing around, then realized that my "team" had just won and there was an awards ceremony that I had to run away from to avoid a killer in a beat-up truck.  In the dream he stabbed me behind the knee when I was trying to escape in a car.  Behind the knee.  Awful.  That's about when I woke up.  Then fell back asleep to have a deep sea diving dream in which I spear fished to catch a giant (like dolphin sized) sturgeon.  The most bizarre part is that I was swimming with these giant fish in an underground cave and thought it was AWESOME.  Fish creep me out, big time.  I had a hard time snorkeling on a vacation because I could see how close they were to me.  I could never be comfortable with that, but I was loving it!  Anyway, my mom says dreams are only entertaining to the people that have them (this is mostly after I tell her about an odd dream) but it has been so crazy lately they are still popping into my head today and it makes me uncomfortable.  I thought maybe if I put them out there for the whole world to see, maybe I might have a normal, boring dream tonight about dinner and a movie with Zac.  Here's to hopin...and dreamin.  

A crappy way to start the day

My best friend called me yesterday with the most ridiculous story I've heard in awhile.  She is a teacher at a little school near Champaign (IL).  It is a consolidated school so it kinda sits out in the middle of nowhere.  The principal got there to open the doors in the morning and found a not so pleasant surprise.  There, in the center of the concrete, right in front of the building was poop.  He got a little curious.  It was just an odd spot.  Stray dogs don't generally wander all the way out to that schoool.  He figured he's check out the security footage to find out just what kind of crazy animals are prowling the campus at night.  Off to his office he went.  Rewind, rewind, rewind, fast forward, nothing, fast forward, nothing, fast forward then Ah! Something!  

What I'm about to tell you is both shocking and overwhelmingly absurd.  There, in black and white security footage pulls up a garbage truck.  The headlights lit the footage, so you could see it clearly.  The garbage man got of the truck, dropped trou, and shat square on the sidewalk.  Unbelievable!  But it happened.  What grown-up is so mad about his job that he decides to poop on a school sidewalk?  Was it a personal vendetta?  Was it a message to someone? Maybe a threat?  Is the mob now sending a message but instead of dumping concrete on bodies they are just plain dumping on concrete?  While I have no real desire to see the footage, I am dying to know why this happened!  I just want to you imagine what this might have looked like and ask yourself today "have I, in any way, wronged my garbage man?"  Happy laughing!

  

P.S.  Can you even imagine the conversation between the principal and the garbage guy's supervisor.  "Yes this is Principal Smith...uh, we've got a situation here.  It seems that the garbage man took a crap on the sidewalk here outside the school.  Uh huh, yes sir, pooped on the sidewalk." 

Cage the fans!

For those who may not be up to date on my little ol' blog, Zac and I had big plans to make it to a concert on Sunday.  That's right, Sunday.  We had to have a little fight that morning cause Zac hadn't fix my wiper blades that I kinda broke when we had all that ice forever ago.  I told him we had to take his car since so much rain was predicted and my driver's side wiper likes to blow clean off of my windshield and get hung up on my sideview mirror.  He was annoyed I hadn't taken care of the wipers.  I was annoyed he hadn't.  Fast forward twenty minutes and we were on our way, with my wipers working and directions not to run them any higher than the lowest two settings. 

We got into Chicago around two and headed to Zac's favorite pizza place, Lou Malnati's.  If you've never been, go.  It is delicious.  Unfortunately for us, it only killed like an hour and doors didn't open until 6:30.  We mainly wandered.  We stopped at a record store, at an antique shop, etc.  By five we were wandered out and decided just to go to the Vic and wait.  I, of course, am not a fan of the cold and would have liked to sit in the car.  Well, napped in the car really, but we opted for the line.  We figured at least then we were waiting under an awning.  We stood between a 13 year old boy accompanied by  his mom and 3 high school girls that I considered choking on a few occassions.  What can I say, it was cold and I was grumpy.  I realized quickly that we were too old for this business.  At one point I leaned over to Zac and told him, "not to be dramatic, but I may never be warm again."  He rolled his eyes and we stood....for two hours.  

After the wait we decided to stop standing and we picked front row seats in the center of the balcony.  It was an excellent idea.  Once the show started, I was slightly jealous of the people on the floor that were front row, especially since we could've been since we were like 11th and 12th in line, but then they decided to start crowd surfing and I was thrilled to have my butt in a chair and not someone else's in my face.  (If you've ever been the crowd in a crowd surfing scenario you know exactly what I mean.  Not cool when someone is tossed into your head.)

The band played a good show.  They really did.  The first song is always a little rough til the sound is tweaked a bit but after that it rocked some socks off.  The music was good, but I tell ya, the favorite part of a concert for me is the people watching.  Crowds are crazy but there were a few winners.  

Favorite #1 was a man in the balcony to the right.  He was middle-aged, balding, wearing glasses and probably going through a bad divorice considering how drunk he was by 7:30 on Sunday.  I laughed til I cried at him.  He was rocking as hard as he possibly could with fists pumping.  He had no rhythm whatsoever.  In fact, one fist would pump and the other was goin crazy and would slowly turn itself into spirit fingers.  You know, cheerleader spirit fingers.  Basically, this guy was loosing his mind he was so excited to be there.  Then he spotted a blonde with big fake boobs in the balcony across from him.  By the end of the show he had not only sent drinks over, but had moved to sit with her.  My favorite part of this....the pullover sweater he'd started the evening in was now tied around his waist, and, wait for it, had been double knotted!  I'm tellin ya I laughed. til. I. cried.  That guy was killin' it with the ladies!

Favortie #2 was a heavy set kid that got a little jealous of the other boys.  Somehow these teenagers figured out a way to fling themselves on stage.  Then they would jump around like crazy and then dive into the crowd.  Well the big kid got on stage, jumped like mad, then avoided security by a stage dive.  Unfortunatley for him, the crowd parted like the red sea and straight to the ground he went.  Again, laughed til I cried.  Lest you think I'm a bad person laughing at another's pain, I want you to know he did not learn a lesson.  Oh no my friends.  He did it twice.  And twice face-planted in the pit.  

Favorite #3 I didn't get to watch very much as he sat behind me to the left and there was no justifiable reason to stare (or trust me I would have).  He was another middle aged man but this guy had a bad hair cut and moustache combo that he fully owned while wearing his Maple Leafs hockey jersey.  Again, this guy was fist pumping like crazy.  You could tell he was dyin to get up out of his chair and rock, but was not quite sure if his lady friend would be ok with it.  

The craziness of the crowd was only compounded by the craziness of the lead singer.  Ya know how at concerts they have like 12 foot speakers on either side of the stage.  At the end of the last song ol'boy singer climbs up on to the speaker and then jumped into the crowd.  I was so glad again that we were in a balcony far away from sweaty man bodies.  

Zac and I didn't stay for the encore but opted to hit the road.  It's a good thing we did cause the rain was crazy the whole way home.  Especially when your wipers only run at a snail's pace.  We got home around 1 and were in bed by 2 so I didn't think that was too bad.  Turns out a Sunday concert will not only be fun, but will teach valuable life lessons about aging, drinking, and physics.