Sunday, March 25, 2012

Random Facts, Volume 5

I have a drinking problem.  Before you Intervention me, booze is not my downfall.  I simply haven't the traumatic history or addictive personality to pull off regularly drinking alcohol.  Plus I cannot fathom how after a bender, anyone can get right up and do it again.  Not this girl.  I drink 4 beers in an evening and I have a bellyache plus headache the whole next day and wonder what was I thinking when I drank 4 beers?!

(Another random fact, it is my preference after watching the Life Aquatic to call benders "over-night drunks."  In a sentence, "Now I'm going on an over-night drunk and tomorrow I will find the shark that killed my friend.  You are welcome to go with me."  See, now you like it too.)

I do enjoy a beverage.  I fully believe a person should be trying to drink 1/2 of their body weight in ounces each day.  I think I regularly hit that mark.  In fact, I think I exceed it.  Mom always has a drink beside her.  Always has.  It's become my habit too.  Where ever I am, I have a cup by my side.  I take a drink to work everyday.  It's one of the first things I make myself when I get home.  And there is a cup perpetually on my bedside table.  Ice water is my preference.  Lots of ice.  A close second is tea, which I need to really cut back on because of baby.  I feel a little guilty for the caffeine, but the decaf tea, in the words of my dad, "sucks the hind tits."

Why do I mention it now you ask?'s starting to become a hindrance.  Baby is starting to put some pressure on my bladder (I know, I know, it's gonna get worse) and it is driving me crazy.  When I am busy at the office it is especially annoying.  The worse is that I feel like I can pretty much pee every 30 minutes.  Sometimes almost immediately after I just left the bathroom.  It was so bad a couple Sundays ago that I thought about using the tiny children's potty in the nursery (it's a little toilet, like the ones they have at Kohl's in the family bathrooms)....but I wasn't so sure that if I were squatting that low I wouldn't just end up peeing on the back of my jeans like a girl that's unsure how to pee in the woods.  And wet pants are not for me my friends. It would be a disgrace, I know how to pop a squat.
There are no bathrooms on my Dad's farms, you gotta know how to pee outside without ruining your britches for the day.

Anyway...this is my battle.  Drink enough to stay hydrated and meet my daily quota without making me need a trip to the bathroom between every 3rd patient.  Soon I may give up and look into adult diapers just for the sheer sake of convenience.  Don't pretend like you haven't thought about it.  Ya liar.       We are all just a few years away from an SNL style "Oops I Crapped My Pant's" skit.  Well, that may be a stretch, but you get my point.   

Thursday, March 22, 2012


I am a landlord.  For everyone out there that ever considered renting, thought it would be a great way to make some extra cash, don't.  Just don't.  It is so odd and disappointing.  It's disappointing because you try hard.  If you've ever dealt with a landlord that was a bit of a jerk....this is why.

 Zac and I renovated Trailer #47 not even 3 years ago.  We re-carpeted, put wood flooring in the kitchen and entry way so the carpet inside the front door wouldn't get ruined.  We gutted the bathroom to the floor joists and started over, new wood floor, toilet, vanity, tub and surround.  We repainted the entire thing and I even hung curtains to make it nicer.
We lived in it, it was a nice home.  Really.  In return we have had multiple renters move in and destroy it.  The last two moved in and the carpet did have a stain in the living room, but all in all, I was able to undo most of the damage from the previous renters.

We had to evict these renters.  They lied more times than I can count about when they would pay us and why they couldn't pay us.  In the end, they just didn't even attempt to settle up.  We have had no payments since December.  They just left last Saturday.  I told them we would take them to court.  In fact, I told them I would be over 10 days after I served them their eviction notice to assess damages for the law suit.  When I went, this was the state of the home....AND THEY KNEW WE WERE COMING!

That's the light in the bedroom, hanging by wires.

That's a massive stack of clothes piled in front of the electric box....notice the empty hangers and otherwise empty closet. 

This is where the dog they weren't supposed to have, dug through the new carpet to the subfloor.

This is the the state of my less than 3 year old bathroom.  I especially appreciate the pure filth in the corners of the floor.

This is the tub they bathed their 3 little girls in.

This is the totally stained carpet and the dirt smeared walls.

This is just one of the broken floor vents.  They are metal.  How does this happen?!

The refrigerator.

And the kitchen floor

Just look at the filth, pure filth.  

How can this situation get worse you ask?  Well, let me tell ya.  I went over Saturday, the day after they said they'd be out, which was more than 3 and 1/2 months since they paid rent last.  Ample time.  I first thought I would look in the storage shed and make sure the AC unit I put there in the fall hadn't been moved with the rest of their stuff.
 It hadn't, but that wasn't the big shock.  The shocker was that these people left a bunch of stuff, and then threw bags of garbage on top of all of it.  It's been sitting, rotting in my shed, for weeks.  Animals have been in it, torn open the bags, and then drug it all over the shed.
I was already mad, then much, much more mad after opening those doors.  Into the trailer I went, only to find that they left nearly everything for me to take care of.  The bedroom set, clothes, boxes, a couch, random trash and a fridge full of all sorts of sticky red stuff in the bottom.  They broke the floor vents, the light covers, the front AC unit, the toilet and the kitchen sink.  

As I was photographing the damages for the judge I look out the window to see my renter, Chris, literally running away from the trailer.  I went from mad, to livid.  I walked outside and yelled at him to get back there.  He asked why.  Why?!  I yelled, "Because of this!  Do you see this!?  You threw your trash in my shed and let it rot! You haven't paid me in months, you destroyed the trailer, and now I'm expected to clean up your filth!?"  To which he told me, "I paid you. I don't owe you anything.  This trailer is a run down piece of shit."  That's right....he blamed me for he and his wife and friends trashing the home.  This is about the point in our conversation when I lost it.  For every excuse he had, I had a reply that actually made sense.  He told me he had strangers living with him because he had no choice...I told him that he needed to realize that at this point, all he had left was his choices. I told him that I have worked hard for everything that I have, including the "rundown POS trailer" that he didn't appreciate living in.  Then  I took the opportunity to tell him that I was "sick of dealing with people that know more about working the system than working a job."  Yep.

I tell ya, I am nice.  Up until the point where you screw me over, then personally offend me or a family member, then I am not.  In fact, then I am not nice in the least.  Then, I am downright rude and unapologetic about it.  I won't have a single problem looking you in the eye and telling you, in no uncertain terms, what a low-life you are.    

Now understand my disappointment.
I have to go through this whole process again.  And this type of person, the Chris and Kim's of the world, will never pay me what they owe me.  Will never pay for the damages they've done.  They will keep ruining the things other people have worked for.  They will keep doing things like trading their LINK card for beer and cigarettes (not made up....Kim told me they was her explanation for why CEFS should know her...apparently she went there to get food from their pantry b/c of the lack of said LINK card).  And I will pick up their filth, scrub the baseboards, scour the sinks and tubs, re-caulk the bathtub, rewire lights, shampoo carpets, repaint and pray that I don't get burned again by another renter, or renters, who have so little respect for others, so little respect for themselves, that they are ok with being worthless people and bringing up children with that example.  I can only hope that extraordinary rage with which I yelled at my renters will snap them out of the Kool-smoke filled haze they live in.  For the sake of their 3 little girls, I hope so, but I doubt it.  And now my friends, I will climb off my soapbox.  In fact I will store my soapbox it in a dark alley and use it as a weapon the next time I run into my renters.  

P.S. God, please forgive me my trespasses....and I'll work on not feeling hand-shaking anger each time I think about this situation. Amen. 

Friday, March 16, 2012

Staged support

Of all the shows on tv for my man to really love, it is American Idol that he is into.  I tolerate it.  He would say I like it.  I mostly sit and read and complain about the song choices and how they "gag me." He sits and laughs and we pick who we think is going home.  It's a thing we do now. 

 Last week we were watching the eliminations and it looked terrible.  I commented to Zac about how much it would suck being a contestant.  Especially when the other contestants are singing all up in your face and you have to smile and clap along...uhhh.  Awful.

So fast forward to elimination night and I say to Zac, "Wouldn't it suck to be a contestant right now. How awkward."  To which he replied "Oh man, I've thought about this. Having to sit on stage, never knowing when the camera is on ya, giving cheesy grins and having to be "supportive."  I laughed hard.  Mostly I think because of the fact that he was really into his response and he sat up off the couch and then he finger quoted supportive.... and because it is so true.  Just look how awkward this picture is and it's not even a tense situation.  I am uncomfortable for them. I am glad Zac and I are on the same page.

Maybe it's just me and my aversion to what I have dubbed "sharing and caring hour."  I get the same feeling when I am in awkward group situations, ie my first day of school when they video taped all of us introducing ourselves and stating why we decided to pursue becoming chiropractors.  I didn't care about why everyone else was there.  I would have rather had the day off.  The vast majority of my classmates agreed.  I felt dorky.  Feeling dorky is not my thing.  

  Just know readers, if we are ever in the middle of a team building exercise, I will like you better if we can just make fun of the really enthusiastic people together.  If you aren't equally as disinterested and sarcastic as me, we probably won't work well together anyway.  I wonder as I write that, if maybe that's a character flaw I should try to correct, ...but it is true and I can't care.  

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Pets and Portraits

My friend Debbye (who I did the bells for for Christmas) asked me to do another painting for her sister.  I must say, it turned out fab. 

These are her sister's pets.  Could this dog be anymore adorable?

This is the end product.

The crack me up.  Especially yellow cats wonky eye.  

I also finished up a birthday painting for my mom's friend Michelle.  Her sister Jill commissioned it and it's been a big hit.  I am thrilled when people love what I've painted for them!

Now I just need to get a few more dogs and a llama done and I'll have taken care of my least temporarily :)

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

1 Chair, 2 Chair, Old Chair, New Chair

I love chairs.  I get it from my Mama...she is chair obsessed.  I found this bad boy in a second hand shop about 2 years ago or so.  I loved him immediately and he was worth the $45 I paid for sure.
It is super comfortable....but not the most beautiful.  It was old vinyl and it was cracking and the buttons were starting to pull through in a couple places.  

Doesn't he have great lines?

Plus a dainty footstool.

I have been waiting and waiting and plotting about mister chair.  I decided for Christmas, that a recovering was what I wanted.  My mom's friend Esther is just the lady for the job as she is a super seamstress and, as you will see, great with upholstery too.  She suggested a site online and I found great fabric on the cheap.  I just got back my chair on Thursday and I am super pumped to share his new look!  Isn't he a handsome chair!?

 I wish the fabric had been slightly darker so it stood out more on my walls, but I just love his color.  I won't always live in this house so it doesn't matter anyway.  I really should have refinished the legs too...but hey, there's always time to do that.  

Now he is gussied up with a throw and a pillow, both add to his fancy new look. 

Now for the surprise for Esther...I have an ottoman calling your name!

Monday, March 12, 2012

Random Facts, Volume 4

 This is a weird one folks...but I have hanger issues.  That's how far my OCD/anal retentiveness extends.  I refuse wire hangers.  They are awful.  I also refuse hangers that aren't white.  It is ridiculous.  I know.  

It's not just my closet...Zac's hasn't escaped my watchful eye.  His closet may be messy and it may drive me crazy that it is not organized by rainbow color order, but I definitely made sure we were clear on the hanger issue.  

Today I had to make a Wal-Mart trip.  What do you imagine is the first thing I personally bought for baby? White hangers of course! (I suppose it's not true that it's the first thing I bought baby, I bought baby a book...but that happened before I even got pregnant.)  The hangers are so small and dainty.  How is it that even hangers can be cute?

So there ya go.  Another bizarre facto about yours truly and it is random as can be.  Just know if you are coming to my baby shower, I do not want pink or blue hangers.  I refuse them.  Go white or go home!  But seriously....I only want white ones. :) 

Sunday, March 11, 2012


I have been feeling the desire to start whipping my house into shape for awhile now.  The other day I took the time to make a list of all of the things I need to do in each room before baby gets took up two pages.  For those of you that don't remember, Zac and I had a bug infestation this fall.  It was awful and disgusting and as super impatient me, I bug bombed the hell outta my house in an attempt to end it.  It didn't.  I just ended up with a chemical film all over my entire house that I want gone before I have my little one playing on the floor.  I can't help it, I have had spring cleaning on the mind and I have been overwhelmed thinking about what needs done.  I just had to get started.  Saturday I decided it was time. 

I figured I should start with the stuff that I need good weather to accomplish since it was beautiful outside.  I opened the doors and started by taking down every curtain in the house and starting them in the wash.  Then I took down the mini blinds, washed them in the newly scrubbed bathtub, and hung them outside to dry.  While my windows were naked I washed all my windows too.  

I figured while everything was down I should make it feel like summer in the house too so I drug in my storage tubs that hold my extra curtains and pillows and swapped everything out.  

Note to everyone out there cleaning mini-blinds...make sure ya know what windows they came from.  How it's possible that I ended up with one blind that simply would not fit in any of the windows in my house is perplexing and frustrating.  It was an impossible riddle....for both Zac and I.  

Now, in addition to a refreshed house, I have part of a baby's room started....which will change drastically before bean gets here, but I just had to have something already.

And I finally got to put up the shower curtain that I found for super cheap at the thrift store.  It's funky and bright and I dig it....even if the color looks weird in this picture.

After hours of cleaning and redecorating I was spent.  Absolutely done for.  I don't think I made it past 9...but I am not 100% since I actually crawled into bed with my book before 8.  Yep...8 o'clock on a Saturday night.  But it was worth it. 

 I am loving the swapped out curtains and the fact that I already feel like the house is cleaner even if it's not a huge difference.  I still have a long list so if you know anyone interested in helping me shampoo all my carpets, wipe down the walls, clean the baseboards, touch up the painters caulk, fix the guest shower, rehang my bedroom door, repaint all kinds of things, and seal my deck, then you send them my way!

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Truth in advertising

I find myself to be a little too trusting of others.  Why you ask? 

 Because every so often, they remind you that some people have nothing to hide.    

There is absolutely nothing special about this stove. 

I appreciate truth in advertising. 

Sunday, March 4, 2012

A hot mess

I would like you all to know, I like spending time with the guys.  I always loved riding along with Dad for the day and have never really grown out of it.  I like the cows and the big equipment and the dirt.  I like spending a day that leaves me tired at the end of it.  I also like to learn new things and take pride in the fact that I'm pretty handy.  When Maggie asked me last night if I'd like to go to the movies with the big kiddos, or watch Penelope for her or work on the house, I chose the house.  I was there yesterday and it was a bit of a muddy mess. Uncle Doug was running a lift and had the forks of it piled with OSB boards to sheet the roof.  The tire sunk way down and the lift pitched sideways and all the wood fell.  I decided to walk down the hill to help him pile it back on the forks.  On the way down, I slipped and fell in the mud.  Not a bad fall, just landed on my knee and my, or rather Jades, boots took the brunt of it.  I was left with a muddy knee and a kinda muddy butt.  I decided today, why get another pair of pants dirty?  So when I rolled out to Maggies, I wore my dried, but still dirty jeans.  

I got to spend a little bit of time with Annie and the kids before they all loaded up and took off to pick up Mom and get to the show.  Annie called about 10 minutes later and said Mom had to cancel, would I go?  I told her I wouldn't ruin the kids' day, so I would go to help.  I did remind her that I came in dirty jeans, with no makeup, with my hair crazy under a Bears stocking cap and in my gum boots.  I make workin with the men look good :)  She laughed hard. The sisters made fun.  Maggie told me to put on a pair of Jade's pants (which I am fairly sure I couldn't fit in anyway) and I focused on doing something with my crazy hair.  I came out of the bathroom and endured Annie wash-ragging the mud off my butt so I would look slightly less filthy.  This was right about the time Mom called to say she was back in.  I was a bit relieved.  I don't really care that I was going to go to the show lookin like a hot was that the muddy jeans I happened to be wearing were my pre-pregnancy jeans and standing they are ok, but I can only tolerate sitting in them for like 30 minutes before my pudge belly is begging for sweet relief.  I can just see me now, leaving the theater with a popcorn grease stained sweatshirt, gum boots and unbuttoned pants...the picture of beauty.

Friday, March 2, 2012

Uncle Zac

Is it any wonder that Caroline loves him, when he will lay on the floor and watch Beauty and the Beast while covered in faux fur blankets?  I think not. 

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