Sunday, March 25, 2012

Random Facts, Volume 5

I have a drinking problem.  Before you Intervention me, booze is not my downfall.  I simply haven't the traumatic history or addictive personality to pull off regularly drinking alcohol.  Plus I cannot fathom how after a bender, anyone can get right up and do it again.  Not this girl.  I drink 4 beers in an evening and I have a bellyache plus headache the whole next day and wonder what was I thinking when I drank 4 beers?!

(Another random fact, it is my preference after watching the Life Aquatic to call benders "over-night drunks."  In a sentence, "Now I'm going on an over-night drunk and tomorrow I will find the shark that killed my friend.  You are welcome to go with me."  See, now you like it too.)

I do enjoy a beverage.  I fully believe a person should be trying to drink 1/2 of their body weight in ounces each day.  I think I regularly hit that mark.  In fact, I think I exceed it.  Mom always has a drink beside her.  Always has.  It's become my habit too.  Where ever I am, I have a cup by my side.  I take a drink to work everyday.  It's one of the first things I make myself when I get home.  And there is a cup perpetually on my bedside table.  Ice water is my preference.  Lots of ice.  A close second is tea, which I need to really cut back on because of baby.  I feel a little guilty for the caffeine, but the decaf tea, in the words of my dad, "sucks the hind tits."

Why do I mention it now you ask?'s starting to become a hindrance.  Baby is starting to put some pressure on my bladder (I know, I know, it's gonna get worse) and it is driving me crazy.  When I am busy at the office it is especially annoying.  The worse is that I feel like I can pretty much pee every 30 minutes.  Sometimes almost immediately after I just left the bathroom.  It was so bad a couple Sundays ago that I thought about using the tiny children's potty in the nursery (it's a little toilet, like the ones they have at Kohl's in the family bathrooms)....but I wasn't so sure that if I were squatting that low I wouldn't just end up peeing on the back of my jeans like a girl that's unsure how to pee in the woods.  And wet pants are not for me my friends. It would be a disgrace, I know how to pop a squat.
There are no bathrooms on my Dad's farms, you gotta know how to pee outside without ruining your britches for the day.

Anyway...this is my battle.  Drink enough to stay hydrated and meet my daily quota without making me need a trip to the bathroom between every 3rd patient.  Soon I may give up and look into adult diapers just for the sheer sake of convenience.  Don't pretend like you haven't thought about it.  Ya liar.       We are all just a few years away from an SNL style "Oops I Crapped My Pant's" skit.  Well, that may be a stretch, but you get my point.   


  1. don't knock adult diapers until you have worn them. I am peeing right now. hehe

  2. Oh, I don't miss peeing every 5 minutes. That sucks! I hope you find a good balabce. :-)


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