Friday, February 19, 2010

The slums of Shelbyville

As I have mentioned before, my parents own a trailer park.  I am excited for it to be ours one day....which is crazy.  But property is always a good investment (unless it turns into some kind of giant sink hole) and this is a large lot within city limits.  There are lots of home in the park and three are mine.  I don't have any pictures of the second renovation, but I will write about my first two conquests later.  For's all about #36.

I got a call from dad the last Thursday in January.  He said a guy he knew who was a "good shit" had a trailer for sale and it was a good deal.  Now being a good shit is exactly what I wanted to hear.  This means you are honest and you've dealt with my dad before and he was happy with the outcome.  I hope to only deal with "good shits" in my life.  

I called the guy up, he had a 16x80 trailer for sale for $8000, that included the move.  It needed "a couple sheets of drywall, the carpets shampooed and a couple pieces of trim for the countertops and it'll be good to go."  I told him if it was what he said it was, (and dad assured me it would be because of the aforementioned good shitness of the guy) he had himself a deal.  He had me drive a town over to look at pictures of the joint.  I agreed, it was a deal.  I called my banker, got the loan all set up, signed the paperwork on Friday and went Saturday to see it in person, cashiers check in hand.  

Now I knew the trailer had no appliances, I prepped for that by taking and extra $500 dollars on the loan.  What I didn't expect was the everything else I was gonna have to fix.  As it turns out, there were reasons the guy didn't have pictures of any of the bedrooms.  Now...this post is gonna be a little long, pictures are coming.....
This is the trailer itself, pretty sweet blue faux wood gain huh. 
When you walk in, you are in the living room, its a beauty, prep yourself.
We are lucky to have mirrors already in place, so we can check out all angles, all the time.

This is straight in front of you, notice the outlet dangling out of the wall. Safe.
Now if you turn right, you are in the hallway, where someone did this to the wall (this is where the couple sheets of drywall was supposed to go)
Just to your left is the green bedroom.  It's lacking a little, well, wall, both under the window
and where there are gaping holes in the wall

If that green carpet makes you nauseous, you can always stop at the bathroom at the end of the hall.  
While you're there, feel free to find the shower head for me, or the knob that turns the water on and off. 
Just to the left of the bathroom is the blue bedroom, complete with holes at the bottom of the wall. 
From here I'd like you to journey back through the living room to the kitchen.
LOVE the curtains? Me too.

Check out how well the cabinets were taken care of, the faux wood is peeling off and the shelves are rotting out. Oddly, the sink and faucet are really nice (or will be, after they are cleaned).
Oh, the guy I bought it off of forgot to mention that there were two drawers missing. You can see their empty spaces behind the furnace cover.
But, I'm afraid the couple pieces of countertop trim I'm supposed to pick up may not hid this.

There is a little hallway from kitchen to the bath, to your right is the laundry room, which isn't in too bad of shape, but the wall across from it is.

I suppose the door to the laundry room will have to be replaced, concidering it's missing the strip that holds the two sides together (that wall is part of the master bedroom, it's a little dinked up)
Now, the beautiful master bedroom, with a view into the master bath.  And yes, the side of the tub is carpeted.  One word, Luxury!
Now I started to get a little annoyed withe the guy because I had specifically asked him if there was any water damage and he told me "no, not a spot." what then, I ask, is this

or this

I'm lucky though, I can go back into my huge bathroom and take a nice relaxing shower
Ewww right!

Or, hang out with the dead flies
(notice, there is not a bit of countertop trim anywhere)

Or better yet, take a nice long soak in the garden tub.  
I was shocked to find though, upon my return to the trailer yesterday, that since Zac and I moved the trailer in a few days ago, someone or something has taken the liberty to come into what will be our abode and has pooped in our tub.
I'm pissed....and disgusted.

Now, as shocking as it is that someone(thing) has shat in my tub, what's worse is that I'm gonna have to clean it up.  I'm gonna have to scrape and peel and prime and repaint away someone's filth.  Plus, I already know that I'm gonna live here next.  When I get it done, you will see the after pictures and you will be shocked.  It will be liveable, even nice.  Until then, keep me in your prayers.  Apparently someone has a vendetta and they are repaying me one turd at a time. 


  1. That is hilarious! I will help you fix it up. We have done it more times than I care to remember! If you are looking to remove and sell those wall mirrors, there is a new strip club in Neoga I hear.. I'm just saying!

  2. Wow that is a beautiful trailer...why make any changes??

  3. That's hilarious about the turd in the tub. Maybe it was the good shit?!?

  4. oh mylanta! you are one brave, hard working soul! can't wait to see what you do with it:O)

  5. it's gonna be a long month of nights and weekends. luckly, there is a guy coming to fix up and turn on the furnace the begining of next week, so it will only be one cold weekend! and i think that is a great idea mom...if not the strip club, I can hang them on the ceiling in the bedroom. equally as slutty!


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