Friday, August 31, 2012

Oh deer.....

Today I woke up with a plan.  
I had ordered equipment a little while back and it came in 2 shipments.  The actual equipment, and the laptop that powers it.  I made the mistake of taking the laptop to the office.  I decided once the equipment got here, the two really make more sense together, obviously.  
I figured I would load up the new equipment, cruise on down to Effingham, and spend a few hours setting it up and doing some training.  Perfect, low stress, light work for an overdue gal.  

At about 8 I got a call from Zac saying that the tracking number that has given us no info for days, was active and that one of the computers for the office was going to be delivered today....between 12:30 and 4:30.  My plans were foiled!

I decided to make the best of it, get a few things done around the house.  I have a cabinet I want to move out, which meant finding homes for the stuff in the bottom of it, and the painting of a new cabinet.  I also needed to make room for Cliff's bottles and baby accessories next to all the other cups.  
Ya know, nesting stuff that I kinda like to do.  

I decided I would also make a trip to mom's to use her big washing machine for my comforter and paint said replacement cabinet while it washed.  All was going swimmingly until about 11.  

On my way to mom's five, that's right, FIVE deer ran out of the cornfield and across the road.  
In the middle of the stinking day!
I braked, but there was no swerving. 
The mini-van didn't make it out unscathed. 
It was fully scathed. 

Immediately the engine stopped running.  I lost power steering.
I pulled over into the gravel at a little cemetery right down the road from Annie's house and took a minute to stare unbelievably at my car.  

The engine literally stopped when I hit the deer.  
I was going 38 miles per hour.  I was running at 1000 RPM.  I know because they are frozen.
The electrical system was down for the count.  
I made the mistake of putting the car into park....and then my key wouldn't come out of the ignition.  
Damn the bad luck.  

My poor van...

I called Dad first to find out where he was in the world and see why he thought the engine was acting so crazy.  He was too far away to take a look or give me a tow.  
My next 2 calls were to my insurance agent, and then the police.  
After that I called my sister Annie to tell her I may need a ride.
Then I called Mom to try to keep her from a panic.  Dad had gotten to her first.  Luckily she was not as stirred up as I had expected.  

Annie drove down to check on me and the van.  She asked if she should wait.  I told her to go get her errands done.  No sense in 3 of us waiting instead of just one.  The officer pulled in just as she was heading out, so the timing was good.  He worked on the report.  I called a tow truck.  
Then, finally, called Zac.  His response was, "Oh no!  That sucks.  Sorry about your van.  At least everything is ok."  
He is not one to get mad.  I appreciate that.  
Shortly thereafter the paperwork was done.  I called Mom to see about a ride.  
Unfortunately Penelope had just went to sleep, so I decided to take Office Wood up on his offer and catch a ride with him back to town.  

A couple of notes for you ladies....when you are giant and pregnant, yoga pants, spaghetti strap tanks, and flip flops are very comfortable. 
They are not, however, your best "leaving the house" look.  
Turns out, you may be wearing black pants and a navy tank when a small disaster happens.

Also, should you ever find yourself super pregnant and in need of a ride, a police cruiser has a large computer unit that takes up most of the passenger seat, so you will be riding in the back of the car. 

If you have the presence of mind to remember it, you will also be taking your baby's carseat with you, in preparation for his impending arrival.  
All of these things will make you feel ridiculous....and give you a reputation.

Watch out girls.  Cliff isn't even here yet, and he has already had his first run in with the law.  
He is an irresistable bad boy. 
His mom wears clothes that are too tight for public and assaults animals with large, grey minivans.
We are already quite the pair. 

Zac and I are now down to a 2 door Gran Prix.  We will be riding dirty to the hospital. 
 Turns out dinking up your van around noon on a holiday weekend means nothing will happen until after your baby is born (regardless of if that happens in 1 day, or 7).  Apparently, after working like a man doing renovations, falling off of a porch, and a deer massacre it seems my very stubborn uterus cannot be overworked or startled into contractions.  
We will see if the storms and moon do it.  
I expect not...but just in case, I will be sleeping on one of the puppy training pads I bought in case my water breaks in the night.  I plan ahead...except for when it comes to deer. 


  1. I have no words.....the image of you and your baby seat riding in the back of the police car almost made me pee my pants. I am sorry friend. I know how rad our mini vans are!

  2. You are so your mother. You make the light out of all situations. My goodness girl, what an ordeal. I did have to laugh at the car seat in the back of the police car and you. I bet the officer had a laugh about that one later on. The deer here are not nocturnal at all. I am surprised that didn't bring Cliff into the world protesting about all his womb drama.
    Puppy potty pads, hah. I once had to use one as I was so sick. I used it on the way to the embarassing.....but I was admitted for four days. Not to the mental unit but to the hospital.
    I think you need to stay on the couch til soething happens. Maybe Cliff wants a little quiet before he gets started.


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