Thursday, September 13, 2012

The start of our new life

As you all know, the world as Zac and I knew it made a big shift on it's axis on Sunday.
I wrote about him being here but I just have so many great pictures to share.

I think I made it pretty clear that I was not interested in the c-section I had.  Not at all.
I did 2 rounds of cervidil, which sucked.  And followed it up with 18 hours of pitocin, just to hear at the end of all of it, that the progress I had made, didn't really count.
That was the awful part.
To really want something, do everything you can to get there, to believe and mentally celebrate that you are making progress, only to realize it was all in vain, was a really hard thing to accept.
I still haven't really.  I am working on it.
 I just knew that it would be harder on me emotionally to do the second round of pitocin and have it fail, then to choose to do the surgery.
At least, at that point, it still got to be my choice.
I just feel a little cheated by the process.  I put in 42 weeks, 42 freakin pregnant weeks and didn't get to follow through with the delivery part of labor and delivery.
I am disappointed in myself to admit, even though I knew Clifford was coming, I dreaded Sunday morning and was not happy to see night turn into day.  I cried a lot.
My family showed up and did their best to support me.

Maggie braided my hair to cheer me up.  

I continued to sit and cry.  

It made mom cry too. 

They all had to leave so I could get ready to go to the operating room. 
It was just me and Zac... and Cliffbelly. 
I had Zac take this very real, obviously untouched, picture of my "unscarred" but very stretch marked belly.  Not so pretty I'm afraid, but honest and earned. 

Then I had to take pictures of Zac and his last few moments as a man waiting to become a dad.
What's funny is that he was standing normally until I took off the lens cap, then bam! awkward pose.  
I asked him why he was standing like that and he said he didn't know.  And then he couldn't not stand awkward.  A Ricky Bobby moment for sure.  

Shortly after this picture, and more crying, the nurses came and got me.  Zac stayed behind.  He was in charge of the camera after that. 
Zac stood at the head of the surgery table with me as the surgery started.  
I was feeling very anxious at this point, as you can imagine.  
It wasn't very long, however, until Dr. M started going on about how much hair Clifford had. 

Zac got a shot of Clifford as he was half way out of the womb.
Incredible right?

A few minutes later I finally got to hear Cliff start to squall.  

A few minutes later he was cleaned up and I got a chance to look at and hold my newest love. 

Our first family picture. 

I am so thankful to our exceptional anesthesiology nurse for taking these pictures for us.  
They are priceless. 

The nurses needed to clean up Clifford, so I handed him over to Zac.  
This is him, holding his son for the first time.  

He got to hold him for a minute, then stood and held his hand as the nurses looked Cliff Stu over. 

All I could do was cry again.  This time, it was pure joy.  
All the sadness of the morning was gone. 
My baby is perfect...that's all I could think about. 

I kept telling Zac how jealous I was of him. 
The boys had to leave then for Clifford's assessment in the nursery.  
Dr. M stitched me up and I tried to sleep through it to speed up the time until I saw my men again.

They rolled me into the recovery room and after my anesthesia shakes calmed down a bit, they brought in my boys.  Bare chest time was exactly what I needed. 

You can see he is peel-y.  He is well cooked :)

My surgery was at 9am.  By noon, we were in our room and had taken this picture.  
Zac and I look tired. 
Cliff looks amazing. 

After his first feeding (he is a nursing champ!) Cliff had his first visitors. 
Grandma Lolla was thrilled. 

I told Zac to get my parent's next.  They had fallen asleep in the waiting room and Maggie did the honorable thing and snuck out before they heard it was their turn. 

That is a look of sheer joy on her face.  

Annie said she heard Maggie sneaking out and was not about to be left behind.
She, too, was in love.

This face is undeniable.

My sisters were so happy with him that they didn't even mind giving Zac a diaper change tutorial.

Aunt Jackie came down with the sisters.  She knows not to miss her chance when it comes to babies. 
I just realized how HUGE he looks in her arms.  
Ford looks every bit of his 11lbs right here.

Mom and Dad were the next to come visit. 

It is pictures like this one, that validate the saying "a picture is worth a thousand words." 

But I love this half smile from Dad.  

And this one of Annie and my beautiful man.  
I have such good looking family memebers!

Here are a few pictures of the next day, as Clifford got to meet the people that will be big players in his life. 

Pure love.

And, when Dr. M came to check on me, I made sure Cliff got a picture with the man that pulled him into the world.

Clifford and I were released from the hospital Tuesday afternoon. 
I made sure he looked like a proper gentleman for his hospital pictures. 

Home has been a wonderful and welcome change.  
We are getting settled in.  I'll keep up with the pictures of the beautiful new man in my life.

He changes a little bit every single day. 
And don't worry ladies, I kiss Clifford for you every chance I get.


  1. Oh, Abbie!!! I just cannot get enough of looking at him. And I can totally relate to your c-section sorrow. With two toddlers and 13+ therapy appointments every week to keep, the recovery process would be a kick in the pants to say the least. But I have never met a fuzzier, sweeter reason to welcome having one. Even if you had to blow him out your nose...totally worth it just to see your dad's "i'm too proud to control my facial muscles" smirk.

    sweetest congratulations. love, love that fordy stu.

  2. Honestly! How do you take your eyes off of him?!? He is just ADORABLE! Pictures of you, Zac & Cliff are amazing. You guys are natural parents. I especially think Zac looks totally comfortable with his new role. You are blessed.

    So, is he Ford? Or is he Cliff? Or have you decided yet?

  3. crying here. I am still so tired from my delivery ordeal. er yours. haha TOTALLY worth the tears and the worry. My job was hard too. You used to be my black haired baby. Remember that when I tell you what to do.

  4. You look great from going through all of that. CLiff is gorgeous. My husband saw his picture and said he was a pretty boy. So happy for you.

  5. Hi Abbie, You don't know me, I'm just a random blog reader who has fallen in love with your beautiful baby boy. What a wonderful post and what gorgeous pictures. That little Cliff is a lucky baby to land in such a big, loving family. I hope you'll get over having to have a C-section (I had 3 in my day, many years ago). When it brings such an amazing package into your arms it's worth it. Little big Cliff has your eyes and his Daddy's mouth. He looks just like his parents! Best wishes to all of you,


  6. He is so perfect I adore him! And you must forgive yourself because in that situation you didn't give up. You made the right call for doing the c-section, for him to safely enter this world was a priority and you did what was best for him even though you sacrificed your own body. That's what we do as Moms...we pick what's best for our kids first and you without a doubt in my mind did the best and only option for him to safely arrive. Im certain he wouldn't have fit or God would have made you progress so you could do it :) let go and let God sis he knew what he was doing when he created Cliff and Ollie. There are some things in life that go as unplanned and it disappoints, but when we find beauty in them that is where we grow the most.

  7. There are no words for how beautiful he is! He reminds me of my Mark (19 now). He weighed 10 pounds and had a head of hair too and we almost named him Cliff after my FIL. Cliff is such a great combination of you and Zac, but I think a little more of you. You look amazing! I already thought you were wonder woman with all that work you did on the office while so pregnant. You guys will be such great parents. You have such wonderful family support and already look like pros. Enjoy your beautiful gift!

    Jenny L.

  8. Hi...I read your Mom's blog and Annie's. What a beautiful baby boy... congrats to you and your hubby ~ and family.


  9. Hi Abbie, I hopped over from your mom's place. love all of this and congratulations on your little man! What a head of hair he has and a little smile already so sweet. That is a big baby I think that C sec was a good thing! The main thing is that healthy baby in your arms!!! He is soooooo CUTE!!

  10. Abbie, He is just precious!!! There are things in life we have no control over. After I had a c-section with my 10+ pounder, I got pregnant again, (I later miscarried), but I remember the doctor asking me if I was having any more babies...he said, "you cant carry an 11 pound baby, and yours arent getting any smaller!" I think he meant, I couldnt deliver one...That's just huge. Our bodies can only take so much.

    Ford, as I like to call him :), reminds me of my Maitlan...she had that head full of dark hair and was seemingly half grown. My Grandma said she looked like a little cherub...those cheeks are some good kissin'.(I tell her she looked like a little Elvis!) Enjoy every single second. In a nano second they will be in high school and college, and you'll wonder where the time went. Your delivery room pictures are awesome. They wouldnt let us take a camera in, so we didnt have that "on your way out of the womb one..." that was amazing!!!

  11. I am speechless...he is pure perfection and you now know firsthand the power of a mother's love...I am so happy for all of you!


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